the part where we learn.

My son was participating in his first Swiss football (read soccer) tournament this past weekend. With the Swiss alps surrounding them, a serene stage was set.

At the beginning of the grueling 12 hour day of games, his team was happy, chatty and encouraging of each other. The day was fresh, they had a win under their belt. Fast forward a few more games and the encouragement was beginning to wane. By this point, we experienced real life pathetic fallacy where the skies darkened and then poured down on these athletes. So too did we see a shift in their game play and comeraderie.

At the end of one of these games, my son was high fiving the other team on their win- but clearly without the energy or congratulatory spirit with which he had at the beginning of the day.

Granted, he was tired. But, what was showing up was a kid who was not happy to be losing.

It was a great reminder that our true character reveals itself in times of hardship.

We spoke after the game. We called him on it. He said: They weren’t nice players, they were overly aggressive and weren’t playing according to the rules. We responded: if you don’t like how they are playing- why reflect it back? This becomes a reflection of you are as a player- not them. The advice: Be you. Even when it gets tough.

Why am I sharing this with you? Because we are all the best teammates/sibling/partners/friends when everything is going our way. It’s when the tide turns, and our anxiety and stress levels increase that we begin to turn on each other.

Simply put: When it’s good, we lift each other up. When it’s not good, we point fingers.

A simple field game to remind us of patterns of behaviours that we have continued into adulthood. So what now? Hopefully you are being honest enough with yourself to see some of this in your own story. And for now- that’s it. Spot it when this version of you starts to show up. Notice it.

When you become good at spotting it from close and then from a distance, we then can move through the process of addressing and then shifting that behaviour. But first things first: acknowledge that it happens. Through coaching we can help you through this process.

And then imagine what an impact this may have on your team/family/friends? Imagine the lessons being learned by those watching you during these tough times? We have way more control over what happens when we start paying attention to how we show up.

Sometimes the best lessons stem from the simplest moments.