Why is ‘why’ so important?
I have this half baked idea rolling around my brain about the inherent value of understanding WHY. Everywhere I look and read, I see “how to’s”- quick fixes, simple anecdotes about how to get to the solution you’re allegedly after.
It’s this strange notion that you have clarity on the finish line- so you feel good enough to go- but you may not really understand why you’re doing it. What happens if you go, and get to the end and then realize it wasn’t actually what you were after? What if your expectation isn’t met?
The reason my focus has been on uncovering the “why” is because I keep finding myself in conversations with people who are so focused on a target. Yet when I listen to them and watch them talk through their ‘how to’s’- I’m not clear that their declared target is really what they’re after.
for example:
one person wants to lose weight
one person has a new job offer but is disappointed in the comp package
one person wants to achieve more at work
one person isn’t completing tasks
For each of these relatively overt targets (lose weight, get more $, increase focus, close the loop) - there is a more subvert reason behind why this is important to each individual. But the idea of having to sit in this space of uncertainty doesnt feel great so we try to avoid it and just do things instead to appease it. Where my mind keeps going is: once they hit these high level targets- while they may be happy, for a moment, will the experience be as fulfilling as they expected or needed it to be?
Understanding your ‘why’ is such a buzz-word which is good and bad at the same time. It’s good because it draws attention to it. It’s bad because attention may not deliver or uncover what it really means to the individual. May become too casual and not purposeful.
Whenever I get into this kind of headspace, the first place I begin is to seek clarity. A few baseline definitions:
The ‘why’ doesn’t have to be the be-all and end-all of everything. it doesnt have to solve the meaning of life or unravel your childhood. it can be as simple as understanding the benefit or impact of a relationship. it can be defining what about losing weight is important to you. what is the value of attaining this target? what changes when you get there and along the way?
The value of your why is that it acts as gas in your vehicle when things get hard. meaning- when you don’t feel like doing the ‘how tos’ - your why serves to keep you on track. the gas is your consistency (your fuel) and your deeper connection to following through. if something is actually important to you- understanding why- may help you stick with it. not get swayed when someone else has a different opinion. keeps you in charge of you- making the decisions that will best suit you (& not someone else).
We have now defined what and why it’s important (connects us and keeps is going).
When do begin asking these questions? We start asking why when things are easy, healthy and feeling like happy times. This way, you come prepared and armed for when it gets hard. you will have a purpose or rationale to lean on rather than doubling down on yourself for not achieving or sustaining the ‘how to’ method.
RECAP: Start uncovering our why early, connects us and keeps us going.
How to? (I was hoping this wouldn’t sneak in here.) Ask yourself any of these questions:
what is important to me about X (losing weight, completing tasks, success at work, etc). and then why is this important? if I have this, what then becomes important?
what shifts once i have achieved X.
what about achieving X is fulfilling?
if i never achieve X- what will the impact be?
what about this makes me excited? (identifying the element tht youre passinate about)
what are my strengths (your why is the cross roads between what you’re already good at and your passion.)
where do I add the greatest value? this sense of success is rewarding and satisfying- again at the crossroads of strengths and passion
how will I measure this? will it feel purposeful and intentional?
how is this serving me?
Again the idea is half baked. I’m clear on why it’s important. Clarity achieved. The next step is understanding why if we know what to do, and we know it will help us be successful - what is the resistance?